- cup your hands around them protectively
- lift them from the ground
- gently kiss their fuzzy heads
- say “peep peep” calmingly so as not to be pecked
- peep peep
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean
This was my chemistry professor.
so i was scrollin along on the internet, minding my own business when
okay wtf they can’t be serious
Where have you been all my life?
The best store ever.
can we please discuss what the fuck is wrong with pennsylvania
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
|—||Shakespeare, King Lear (via ancient-serpent)|
this is one of the smallest parrots in the world aND I REACHED OUT TO GIVE HIM A SUNFLOWER SEED BUT HE WANTED A HEAD SCRATCH INSTEAD. MY HEART MELTED. JUST LOOK AT HIM
The best joke there ever was.